a queen is never late...

everyone else is simply early.

how much do i love that quote? and, how much do i adore julie andrews? i mean, my nanny (my mom's mom), died when i was 2, but i do remember her well. i remember her both through my own tiny memories as well as through the memories of my mom. my nanny was british, she met and married an american g.i. (my grandfather) and moved to the states, but she never lost the very essence of her british-ness.

any time i see julie andrews, i am reminded of my nanny, something in ms. andrews' beauty and elegance brings memories of my nanny to me. it's slightly odd, since i have never met the woman, but, in some ways, i feel as though i am watching my nanny whenever i see julie andrews.

ok, enough of that tangent.

my best friend from college said "i do" this weekend. it was absolutely amazing! she looked incredible and the ceremony, as was the reception, was beautiful. i had the best time ever meeting some of the coolest people "...ever on the planet to ever exist in all ever-ness"! (that was for you, pirate girl!)

to all my new j-ville, and kentucky peeps, hollah!!! oh, and that one boy down in the atl, too! hahaha =D

anywho, i initially wanted to blog all about the great lessons i learned this weekend about love and marriage and family and friendship but i can't seem to conjure up those emotions and thoughts right now. someone said some very hurtful words to me last night and i am still trying to recover from that. i prayed that the Lord would not allow me to return those hurtful words but would allow me to remain positive. i also prayed that He would give me the strength for this because i know that i do not have this strength, at all. and lastly, i prayed that i would not allow these words to speak death into me, but that i would be able to see them for what they are and know that God has chosen to speak life and encouragement into me, not death and discouragement.

it's crazy how this happens. i go away and have some of the most amazing times in my life, and, the enemy of our hearts, the father of lies, the king of death and destruction, is immediately ready to attack, and just like with Jesus and Peter, he always uses those i am closest to.

well, hopefully i will be able to share the lessons i learned this past weekend in the near future. in the meantime, if you could pray protection over my heart/soul, my spirit and my mind, i would be grateful.

i do not desire to return to where i was before the weekend, i desire to always be moving forward. thanks for your love and prayers! you have no idea just how much they really mean to me!

like sands through the hourglass...

these are the days of our lives...

as i started reading a few other blog pages, i started to realize that i've become irrelevant and boring. i mean, really, does anyone want to know this much about my essentially non-existent love-life? i should think not. of course, i blog for me, and not for others. but, ahhh, i don't know.

there are so many important things going on in my life (non-dating related), as well as the world at large, and all i seem to find time to write about is frivolous things.

oh well, if i so choose to bore people with the innane details of my life, so be it.

i could write about the fact that the powers that be have decided to close my office location and everyone is either being laid-off or they are relocating to georgia.

i could write about how i haven't a clue of what i want to do once i am let go, considering everything from teaching dance full-time, to joing the fire department, to continuing in human resources, to God knowswhat.

i could write about the youth group at my church and how amazing things are happening in our youth.

i could write about the many ups and downs of being a creative with a strong spiritual connection to God and trying to marry the two, while maintaining my sanity.

i could write about hurricane katrina and the ongoing saga there.

i could write about the indictment of lewis libby. and the fact that rove wasn't indicted (although i'm sure with all the media coverage, if you asked the average person on the street if rove was indicted, they'd probably ignorantly reply with a resounding, yes.)

i could write about supreme court justice nominee, judge alito.

i could write about the absurdity of the senate closing it's doors to the public.

i could write about how plame's own husband used and abused her cia connections and "outed" her more than any reporter or government official could be accused of doing.

i could even write about all the songs and poems and essays that i have been writing, off-line, and what they mean to me and why i wrote them.

but, will i write of these things? who knows? maybe i will...maybe i won't.

there's a bathroom on the right

or, "cast of characters, part II".

in the spirit of misheard lyrics (for those that don't know, i titled my first cast of characters blog, "i ain't no harlem black girl", in honor of my best friend who misheard the lyrics to "hollaback girl"), i chose to use the most famous of all misheard lyrics this time, from the CCR hit, "bad moon rising". if you don't know the song, then you're probably either too young or too reclusive to be reading this blog.

where to start? not sure. i could introduce the new characters (some of which are old but i am only now coming around to assigning them appropriate monikers). i could re-name an old one (there is one in particular that really i want to change). i could give mini-updates on the existing cast. hmm...what to do? well, let me start with the re-naming.

i have decided to rename gilbert, hayden. it's just that he's so much more of a hayden than a gilbert. so there, gilbert is now hayden. from here foreward, if and when i ever refer to hayden, you shall know that i am referring to the gentleman formerly known as gilbert. ahhh, i love artistic license!

cast of characters, part II:

JT - in my previous blog, titled "killing me softly", i spoke of an "artist". i had not been able to come up with a good enough name for him, so i simply referred to him as "artist" throughout the entire blog. it was quite annoying. well, i finally came up with JT and it really fits!

navarro - this is a guy that my brother, when he went temporarily insane for a few days, thought he wanted to fix me up with. the guy's really good looking (thus the name navarro, in honor of dave), but apparently, according to my brother, he doesn't have much to offer, outside of his ridiculous good looks, and musical talent. when i go to visit my brother over thanksgiving i'll probably meet this guy and maybe hang out with him.

harley - this is the other guy my brother wants to hook me up with. apparently he thinks this guy is a better match than navarro. i know what your thinking, why does her brother keep trying to set her up with all these guys? well, i don't know but, my guess is that he misses me (we live more than 2000 miles away from each other, and he has no other family members nearby), and figures that if i fall for a guy in his town, maybe i'll move there.

tristan - i met this guy once, but we've stayed in touch ever since. while i believe there was an initial physical attraction on his part, due to time and distance, nothing ever developed. i still adore this guy. he's so sweet and just a great artist. anywho, not sure when we'll cross paths again, but, at least we're still friends.

cusack - i met this guy the same night that i met tristan. unlike tristan, though, cusack and i have not really stayed in touch. because tristan and cusack are really close, i've been able to sort of stay in touch, via tristan, but nothing outside of that. cusack is actually more my type, but c'est la vie.

well, those are the additions, and adjustments. i'll give updates on everyone later.

killing me softly...

with his song.

i think i figured it out. really. this time i really think i did. i have always found myself crushing on boys in bands and, up to this point, i've been embarassed to admit it. i mean, seriously, some of the dudes i've been attracted to in this past, i have had to honestly ask myself, "if so and so wasn't an 'artist', would i even find myself giving him a second look?". and i have to say, i have been unable to answer that question with any real certainty.

that is until today.

let me rewind to last year. this will help explain the how, what and why of my final conclusions.

it was sometime in the earlier part of last year. i tripped over the web page of a particular artist. a friend of mine had recommended a particular band. that band recommended a few other bands, and that's how i tripped over this artist's page. i listened to a few songs online and noticed that this artist was coming to my area. i love checking out live music so i called a friend of mine and she and i went to the show. i'm really digging his sound and then the guy mentions that he lives in nashville. well! you just said the magic words buddy! so, immediately i start text messaging all my nash vegas friends, asking if any of them have heard of this guy. i get a few replies of little importance, and then a buddy of mine replies with, "he's one of my best friends!" i absolutely love irony! so, after the concert is over, i call my friend. he tells me a little more, including how his friend (the guy that was performing) is not only a great singer/songwriter, he's also a strong Christian man.

well, i mean, if i wasn't already hooked with his stage presence, amazing songs, 6'3"-ish height and great guitar playing skills, now i hear he's a man of strong character! hi! are you trying to kill a sistah?!

anyway, so my buddy on the phone asks if i'm still at the venue and if the "artist" is still there too. i tell him yes and yes. so my friend says, "walk up to him, hand him the phone and say, 'you won't regret this'". i tell my friend, no way, there's a huge line of girls waiting to speak to the guy and get his autograph and picture with him and i would prefer to leave the venue with all the hair i came with and my eyes unscratched. but, my buddy persists so i proceed to walk around the line of ladies, right up to the table, turn to the artist, reaching towards him with my phone in my hand and say, "he says you won't regret this". dude looks at me like i'm some type of nut job, hesitates for a hair of a split second but (and i can only assume that his curiousity got the best of him) took the phone. at first he couldn't hear our mutual friend on the line but as soon as he does he says, "dooood! what are you doing?!" then he looks at me and says, "jaymi, yeah, i think i know her (or 'you', i can't quite recall his exact words, i was still scared that i was about to be mauled by the line dwellers)" in typical jaymi fashion i look at the guy with a confused look on my face (which has a tendency to look more menacing and disapproving than like actual confusion, i'm still working on that) shake my head and reply, "i don't think so?" to which he replies, 'maybe not'. well, i eventually get my phone back, return to hang with my friend that i came to the concert with, and proceed to wait until the artist is done meeting and greeting all his 'fans'. i have a hard time turning down the chance to connect with another nashvillian. it's like an addiction for my soul. really, it is.

anyway, after chatting a bit about nashville and other little things, it's clear that i am definitely carrying this conversation. by that i mean, i didn't feel like he cared to connect. he was really sweet and nice but that's all, he was just sweet and nice. there was no kindredness, no kinsmanship, nothing! and the hardest part was that i really wanted there to be. i don't mean a romantic connection, i simply mean a soul connection, a kindred spirit thing and if romance came later, well, who am i to argue, right? but there was no reciprocity coming from his end.

while i hoped that maybe i misread the situation, and that i was going to get a phone call from our mutual friend, asking me if i'd be interested in getting to know "artist" better and if it'd be ok to give him my number, that call never came.

so, i decide to forget about him. i listened to his cd for quite awhile, but eventually i moved on.

fast forward to this past tuesday. my co-worker, whom, in the meantime, i had gotten hooked on "artist", informs me that he is performing here again on thursday (he had had one other gig around here between this one and the first one i attended, but, due to my church/worship obligations, i was unable to attend).

i couldn't quite decide whether to go or not but eventually found a friend who was interested. i wasn't sure how well this gig was going to go because the venue was much bigger, thereby making it much less intimate, and he wasn't the headliner this time.

although he did an excellent job, i must admit that i was spoiled by having seen him perform as the headliner at the smaller venue. he's so personable, and with excellent stage presence, part of his charm is wrapped in his ability to make you feel as though you're just sitting in his living room while he plays the guitar and sings a few of his favorite songs. while this is not completely lost in the bigger, louder venue, it certainly is significantly diminished.

my friend still really enjoyed him, a testament to his talent.

after his set, he is out at his merch table, signing autographs and shaking hands. i wait for a while. i usually don't want to have to compete with anyone else for the attention of these types of individuals, so i typically wait until the crowd has dissipated to almost nothing. unfortunately my friend was unaware of my intentions and so i was forced to say hi sooner than i would have chosen. i call out the artist's name, reach across the table and say, "i don't know if you remember me but i'm "so & so"'s friend. he shakes my hand, takes half of a split second and says, "oh yeah! how are you?!"

and that's about as far as the conversation went. we talked for approximately 10 seconds about our mutual friend but, as i mentioned, there were many other people around and he was, understandably distracted, focused upon meeting everyone that came to meet him.

in all honesty, i felt as though i was invisible. again, he was sweet, nice & polite, but that's just it, and that's all it was.

my friend and i left the concert at that point to go grab some grub. about half an hour into our visit at the cheesesteak joint we patroned, "artist" walks in with two other people. we acknowledge each other with a grin and a nod and then he proceeds to, quite demonstratively describe to these two, exactly how and what type of cheesesteak to order. i had to chuckle, it was cute in a really corny way. and i'm a sucker for the uncool. the guy that just isn't cool, he just, is. he may even think he's got a lock on 'cool', but really, he's no lenny kravitz. lenny kravitz, in my opinion, is the epitome of 'cool'. really, i mean, can you get any cooler than lenny?!

anyway, so "artist" and his two friends get their food and proceed upstairs to find seats up there. i'm mildly disappointed, but logically, there wasn't much room for them to eat downstairs, there's less of a chance of eating in peace if they remain downstairs, in plain sight, and seriously, why would anyone invite themselves to sit with someone they barely met once before, and her friend that he met only moments before? besides, my friend and i were in deep conversation, and, it would have been rude to interrupt. we were so deep in conversation that i actually didn't even notice "artist" walk by me to the stairs. in reality though, i was just so scared that he wasn't going to acknowledge me again that, in order to avoid that awful feeling of rejection, i simply avoided the situation by ensuring our eyes did not meet again.

my friend and i stuck around so long chatting and catching up that "artist" and his friends finished their food and left before us. on his way out he actually did tap my arm and told me to have a nice day (or good seeing me or something like that. i was so thrilled at the sensation of him brushing his fingers across my elbow that i don't think my brain was quite ready to process words yet - yeah! i really need to find a man...soon! ha ha ha).

anyway, i listened to his cd on the ride home that night, as well as the next day, but, i later discovered, this was a really bad idea. it eventually led to me realizing that "artist" really has shown no interest in me, to any degree, and that i almost feel invisible when i interact with him. this led to me exploring the fact that i really get no attention from guys my own age anymore, which led to the conclusion that i must be invisible to these guys. which, in turn, led to me bawling my eyes out on my ride home from work on friday. it was a hideous sight, i assure you. i'm a disaster when i sob. not that anyone looks desirable when they are crying in hysterics, but the way my body convulses, and my eyes redden, and my face puffs up, i mean really, it's quite repulsive.

still, i can't stop myself from admiring his songwriting skills. his words are precisely what i want to hear. whether it be a love song to a girl or a love song to God. he really speaks the truth in love. and that's when it hit me!

i like singer/songwriters! not band guys, not drummers, not lead guitarists, not bassists, not keyboardists and, most definitely not lead singers. singer/songwriters are my weakness!

i blame my father for this. seriously though, is it possible to have such an amazing dad that finding a man of equal caliber seems to be mission impossible? my dad's a singer/songwriter and i was always raised to have an appreciation for the songwriter. my dad is an excellent songwriter himself, and he has taught me how to be a great songwriter as well.

so, i can finally admit it. i like singer/songwriters and i'm not ashamed to admit it! any man that feels so compelled by the emotion moving within that he cannot help but give those feelings life through written word and melodic song, well, i'm sorry, i'm simply a sucker for such a man.

and that, my friends, is why i find myself attracted to so many "artists". and to answer the question, "would i give this guy a second look if he weren't in a band". well, the answer is yes and no. yes, because, if he has the soul/spirit of a singer/songwriter but not the recognition, well, it's who he is that i like, not what he is. and no because, if he isn't singing the songs he's written, then how am i know that he is such a man?

well, i'm sure, if you're even still reading at this point, you are quite bored with me. so, i'll close this out.

in the meantime, here's to hoping our mutual friend does call me about "artist". wouldn't that be sweet?!

'tore up' is terrific!

i decided to take a day for myself today and i went to broadway dance center in new york and took a couple of classes. although the train is around the corner from where i live, i chose to drive into jersey and take the nj transit train that takes me directly into new york penn station. i then took the subway up to 59th and walked 2 blocks down broadway and over 57th to the studio.

i also decided to catch up on my reading. i had stopped reading 'blue like jazz' a little while ago, but picked it up for the commute in, and the downtime before classes started. excellent book! if you haven't yet, read it now!

initially i considered taking 3 classes (they are an hour and a half each), but decided to pay for 2 and then see how i felt. turns out that was a brilliant idea, for more than one reason.

first, after taking 3 straight hours of hip-hop with bev b., my body was done!

second, it was a gorgeous day today and i definitely wanted to be outside for more than the 5 minutes that it takes to get to the 59th street subway station. so, i decided to call it quits after the second class. i got changed right quick (it may have been a beautiful night but it wasn't warm, and my clothes were sweat drenched), grabbed some grub, and debated whether i had time to catch the early train back home. i realized there was no way i could catch it, and the next one wasn't for almost an hour, so i decided to walk it. yes! i walked down broadway from 57th to 43rd, crossed over to 8th at 43rd and walked the last 10 blocks on 8th.

boy was that exhilarating!

seriously though, i hadn't eaten in 5 hours (which is a record for me, i think, during non-sleeping hours), had food in a bag on my arm, and yet, it was so crisp and fresh out, i didn't even consider eating until i got to penn station.

i caught the train, got back to jersey, hopped in my car, and prayed i'd make it home on what little gas i had left.

well, i almost made it home. but, third, i ended up running out of gas, at my exit. so, having done this once before, i already had the 1 gallon container in my trunk. i pulled that out and started hoofing it up the ramp, towards the gas station. not long into my trek, a car pulls over and a white guy in about his 40s offers me a ride, i decline. i don't accept rides from guys i don't know, ever! then, approximately 2 minutes later, another car stops. this time it's a young black girl, in her twenties, with a young white guy, also 20-ish, in the passenger seat. this time i accept the ride to the gas station. not only did she take me to the station, she practically took me right back to my car! what an absolute sweetheart! thanks dear, whomever you are, and may your kindness be repaid to you abundantly!

i got to my car, filled it with the 1-2 gallons in my container, started that baby up (which took a few tries, whoops), drove to the gas station, filled my tank, and went home.

fourth, after i got home, the nascar race was still on, so my dad and i watched the rest of the race and, for the fourth time in a row, my boy, jimmie johnson won at lowe's motor speedway! woohoo!! he is officially tied with tony stewart for first in the chase! gotta love it!

so, all in all, my day was perfect! even with the gas shortage incident, i wasn't bothered a bit. this is what happens when you take some much needed time for yourself.

well, enough said. i'm exhausted and my body is gonna be 'tore up' tomorrow. but's it a good thing. i'd even say it's terrific!

screaming in the rain

my brother and his wife are in town in this weekend and we decided to all go to the eastern state penitentiary's (sp?) fright night thing.

it's pouring with rain outside ans, while we think it's supposed to be $25 a pop, my brother finds out when he gets to the ticket window that it's actually $30! what?!?!

anywho, after driving all the way down in that horrendous weather, and standing in line to buy the tix, we decide we'll do it anyway. ok, so not worth the $30. it was quite elaborate, and had we not been bunched up on either side of us (thereby revealing any secrets, bc we can see/hear the peeps in front of us losinf it), nor had we had to endure multiple puddles and muddy patches, in addition to the rain, maybe i would have enjoyed it more. i didn't not enjoy it, but it was more comical and predictable and mildly boring due to the conditions.

i happen to LOVE being scared and welcome the opportunity any time. but i also used to work at a "house of death" when i was in college so it's lost a little of it's mystery and "scariness".

anywho, we came home and decided to watch a movie. i had never seen "dodgeball", even though i had purchased it (i mean, really it's vince vaughn peoples!!!), so we decided to pop that in. quite funny, even if i did nod off a few times, due to sheer exhaustion.

i have to say, while i have not seen every frat pack flick, i happen to thoroughly enjoy their humor. for those of you that haven't a clue who that frat pack is, it includes; will ferrell, ben stiller, vince vaughn & the wilson brothers (owen & luke). i think that is all the current members but if you know i've left someone out, please jog my memory.

if you have not seen the following movies, you must!!!

elf
zoolander
meet the parents
dodgeball
be cool

and the list could go on.

actually, i should also mention that, of all my sight unseen dvd purchases, today i saw what has got to be one of my best sight unseen purchases (joining how to lose a guy in 10 days, napolean dynamite, mean girls and be cool ---> the incredibles!

excellent movie!

well, i need some beauty rest, gosh!

been a long time

i know i haven't written in awhile but that's because i've been really insanely busy. so busy i can't even really write anything right now either. but i didn't want you to think i disappeared from the planet. so hello!

am i funny? and i don't mean my looks!

so i've been catching random pieces of kathy griffin's show, "my life on the d-list" and just the other night i was watching a portion of her stand-up routine "kathy griffin is not...nicole kidman". this woman makes me want to jump up and down she's so freakin' funny.

ok, let me explain to you how much i love comedy and how much i love to laugh. seriously though, i love sports and i love music and i love really good comedy. i respond to comedy in the same way i respond to an amazing play in a baseball game, or to an exceptionally good piece of music. i cheer. sometimes i stand up, sometimes i clap, sometimes i yell, sometimes i just pump my fist in the air, but always, i cheer. laughter is truly medicine for the soul. i do believe that. which is why i try to find the comedy in everything, including my own life and drama. i call this blog, "my life as a dramedy" for that very reason. while my episodes are very real and intense to me, having journalized my thoughts and experiences enough over the past (almost 3) decades, i have learned that my life is just funny. it's not emmy winning comedy funny, but it's funny nonetheless.

we as women are funny. our reactions, our responses, our impulses, our everything, we're just funny. it's when we take everything so seriously that we begin to falter and stress out. now, i am, by no means, advocating that we sluff off our responsibilities and become blissfully ignorant of reality. no, i am actually saying that we need to take a few deep breaths now and then and occasionally those deep breaths should be induced by laughter.

like in everything, there's a balance to be had. we should constantly be aiming for that perfect balance and enjoy "the comedy" of the intermittent stooge-esque tumble. i have to admit, some of my heroines in life are those women that incite laughter throughout all of life's circumstances.

lucille ball was a prime example of this, and kathy griffin seems to continue to emulate that spirit. maybe it's in the red hair, or maybe it's something else. who knows? all i know is that i want to be that funny, that real, that entertaining, and that intelligent. and that's just in my every-day life.

i wish i had the chops to be a stand-up comedienne. maybe someday, maybe...

beaver one, beaver all, let's all do the beaver call

back when i was in college (many many many moons ago) a few of my friends taught me this song they learned at kamp kanakuk (sp?) out in branson, missouri. they would all go there every summer as kamp kounselers (misspelled on purpose). and apparently one of the kamp songs was this "beaver song". it is the most unattractive thing to perform on the planet and yet, strangely enough, i think that's all the more reason why i love it so much.

shortly after graduating college, i was working with some teenagers (most, if not all, were girls) on vbs stuff. for some unknown reason i felt inspired to teach them the "beaver song". the killer was, they loved it so much they ended up performing it in front of all the little vbs kids. there was no shame to be had by anyone!

i'm telling you, this song is infectious! while, i'll share the words with you below, unfortunately you can never truly appreciate the beauty of the "beaver song" unless you see a live performance. so, next time you see me, tell me you want to see the "beaver song". i'll be more than happy to oblige! i promise!

oh! and since i haven't the foggiest notion as to who wrote this masterpiece, if you have any information as to its authour, please share! i would love to give credit where credit is most definitely due!

the beaver song
beaver one, beaver all
let's all do the beaver call
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph

beaver two, beaver three
let's all climb the beaver tree
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph

beaver four, beaver five
let's all do the beaver jive
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph

beaver six, beaver seven
let's all go to beaver heaven
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph

beaver eight, beaver nine
stop! it's beaver time
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph
fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph fhnph