nice boys don't kiss like that!

so, immediately after i posted the previous blog, fully admitting my interest in sonny, i received some, potentially disappointing news. i described the situation to my girl toya by asking her to envision those children in the malls with those "leashes" on them. i felt as though God had put me on an emotional leash and somewhere along the line yesterday, i outran that leash, at which point it promptly snapped me back and i fell flat on my arse!

first, i was made aware of, via the gossip train (a dangerous mode of transport, meant to be avoided at all costs, i realize, but when someone has information on a particular person that has caught my interest, i have a terribly difficult time not buying a ticket and jumping on at the next stop) of some things that had transpired between sonny and some former aquaintences of his. what freaked me out is that it sounded like a more intense version of some of my own perceptions of and experiences with him.

second, remember how i mentioned that he brought a girl with him to an event he and i had both attended? well, come to find out, this isn't the first time he's brought a girl to something. and what's worse is that it appears to be the same girl.

so! what does jaymi do?! she immediately starts to feel depressed and foolish? thoughts from, "how could i have been so stupid? clearly he was just being nice because he's new and is trying to make friends!", to, "wait a second! maybe he's just being nice because he wants something from me!", to, "omg! someone told him that i'm some sort of influential, big kahuna, and he's just being so nice because he has to, but really, he can't stand me!"

can you see me as i spiral out of control, all the way down the self-pity mountain? i tell you, it was sad! i was so angry, and hurt, and upset. i didn't even know what to say. i mean, how dare a man of God behave in such a deceptive dishonorable way! are you getting the picture of just how ridiculous my thought processes were becoming?

and honestly, this mental state did not change until i finally read something that flipped me out of my funk. i know you're curious to know what it was i read. it wasn't The Bible, it wasn't some great book, it wasn't some inspirational article. what was it? my own freakin words! seriously. it was from my blog post titled "i AM bridget jones!". what did i say? here, i'll re-post:

the point being, we as women so often give the wrong men the benefit of the doubt while challenging and questioning any and every word and action the good man makes. this is precisely what bridget does in the movie and i feel like my life is imitating her art.

now, this isn't to say that sonny is a good man but, the fact still remains, he has yet to prove otherwise. there is some value in the whole innocent-until-proven-guilty philosophy. i would like others to approach me in that way and take their direct experiences with me as the truth and not some random gossip from others.

the jury's still out on sonny. i haven't made a final decision yet. i just haven't been around him enough to make a truly informed decision. that time will be coming though, so i believe an answer shall find it's way to me sooner rather than later.

the comedy of it all is the symmetry i am consistently forced to face between sonny and mark darcy of the bridget jones diary movies. including just how stuffy and uptight they both can be.

so, i guess only time will tell what's behind his cheesy grins and overeager waves and enthusiastic hello's. is he just trying to get me to like him cause he needs friends and is new to our group? or, is he as awkward around me, as i am around him, due to an attraction, and therefore, he can't help himself?

i'll let ya know as soon as i know.